Otherwise I’d feel really great, but boy do I really hate cramps. Aaaaanyway, we’re going to London in 20 days! happy dance No idea where we’ll stay, but still! grin Less than three weeks. ^-^

I got in! I got in! jumps with joy Oliver called me today just as I was near VF and a really busy intersection. Didn’t hear every word he said. But! He did tell me that I got into Aberystwyth. huge grin I can’t wait!! This is like really really good news. I’m going to university in the fall!! little dance

And yes, I did get the book. Then I spent about half an hour just talking with Enola’s mother. Okay, my French is still a bit rusty but I thought it was really fun. So maybe when I see Houda again, it won’t be as bad. I mean, with Tian-Le it’s still okay because she speaks English somewhat, but Houda doesn’t at all. But anyway. I’ll get to see my friends again. ^-^

Today has been a really good day. grin

I slept so well last night. Had a strange dream, but it was really nice as well. It was like a play, three acts. In the first one Oliver and I are in a store and I only have £5 in cash. So I obviously can’t pay the £21,21 with that. I asked if he had any cash and he said that he didn’t have any on him right then but he could go get some. I said don’t worry about it and went to pay for it with my Belgian bank card, but when I put it in the reader, it said 30,74 or something like that. Then the guy who came to cover the lady while she went on her break said that I can just take the stuff and they’ll say that the stuff was just stolen when they did the inventory. The reason why he said that was because he couldn’t get the price back to the 21,21 and the people in the line were getting really annoyed (it was the only till open). In the next part Jaz, Oliver and I are walking outside in the dark. It’s winter with snow all around so I don’t actually know what time it is because the sun sets so early. The path we’re on is in the middle of the forest. It’s wide enough to let two horse-drawn carriages pass each other. Suddenly Oliver jumps off of the path and starts running up this hill. Jaz and I just stare at him bewildered. I hand over the backpack to her (with the “stolen” food) and run after him. He veers off to the left and slides down some of the hill. I manage to catch up with him and semi-tackle him to stop him from sliding down some more. As we hug, we start rolling down the hill and can’t seem to stop, so we just hold on to each other. The next thing I know, it’s part three. It’s spring/summer. Jaz and I are standing outside this humongous castle made of cream coloured stone. We walk around the corner and see Mom & Tarja talking. They say that they’ll join in our game after “the sisters” stop being a pain. Jade runs to us and after hugging us, she tells us that we’re princesses. We look down and see these gorgeous old-fashioned gowns. I lean on the railing, look down into the garden and see Oliver walking around with a man, both dressed like princes (swords and all!). Suddenly we two are lying down on deck chairs in our bikinis and we’re sunbathing. When I turn over so that my back won’t burn, I see this amazing waterfall appear in the mountains in the background while Tom Hanks is the lead jester and entertains us by speaking French with an Italian accent… Then I woke up. It was such a wonderful feeling though. Sunbathing. Which is why I ate breakfast sitting outside in the sun. I love spring/summer. The warmth, the sunshine. Actually, fall isn’t that bad either if there’s sunshine. Don’t know about winter since I’m kinda conditioned to think that there is no sun during the winter. Also yesterday’s phone call really lifted my spirits. It’s amazing how just hearing his voice makes me feel better. And we didn’t really talk about anything special either. I just hate to think of how much it cost to talk for 40 minutes… K

Okay… do I go get the Code de Route today or wait until I go to the mall on Monday or Tuesday? I’ll probably go today. Just so that I’ll have done it and Dad’ll get off my case. Plus I’ve got time during the weekend to start reading it.

I have such a headache right now. I hate headaches. I hate headaches caused by crying. I hate crying. Especially if it’s practically on a daily basis. Dad called today. No, that in itself isn’t that bad, but… well, there’re a few obstacles. First we don’t know if we can switch this apartment to a bigger one (which is 300 € more expensive, so that’s another thing we gotta think about). If we can, then getting a Net connection won’t be that difficult. It’ll just cost about 60€ a month, which is kinda nuts if you can get it for 15€… Anyway, if we can’t switch apartments… Bigger problem. It’ll be really expensive to get the Net installed in here and the contract has to be for a whole year. feels like hitting head against a wall Still, that wasn’t the thing that made me cry. Sure it was really sucky news, but not something I’d cry about if it were they only thing. Noooo, it’s what comes after that. He called at 2:30 p.m. and asked what we’re about to do. I told him that we’re gonna go to the store (which we did) and that’s about it. He asked me if I had already gotten the Code de Route. I told him that I’d get it tomorrow when I go get Jaz from school because the only place I know where I could get it from is at Montgomery and I don’t feel like walking all the way over there just for one book. It’s at this point when he calls us “hessus”. I am not like my uncle. I actually do do something during the day. It’s not as easy as it sounds, cooking & cleaning & laundry by hand. And Jaz goes to school during the day, works her ass off on schoolwork during the evenings. But that comment, it just.. brought up the feeling of being inadequate again. I know he doesn’t mean to, but it just hurts. God.. this is giving me flashbacks of him trying to teach me Math. I’m terrible at it. He’s like this genius. And of course, because I am his daughter, I’m supposed to be good at Math as well. Which I so obviously am not. I failed Math. Big time. He thinks that this is supposed to be fun, living by ourselves. I’m sure it would be, if it’d feel like Jaz and I were roommates. But it feels more like I’m a substitute mother. He has no idea what it’s like being 19, having this responsibility of making sure that Jaz has enough clean clothes and versatile foods… I’m also pretty terrified that something’ll happen and I won’t be able to take care of it. Something like someone’ll break in and rob us. I just want to take care of myself and no one else. I am my own responsibility. That’s it. If I wanted to take care of someone else, I’d have a baby. Do you see me carrying a toddler around on my hip? Nope. This is another reason why I want to go to university. It’s just me. None of the baggage that being around family brings. I love them all to bits, but really… I feel like I just can’t live if I’m surrounded by them all the time. Then he asked if I knew anything about my university applications. As in if I had been offered a place or not. The only way I’d know before they did was if I went online. But how can I get online??? I’ve had NO access to the Net for almost two weeks.

I have no idea how I can sleep so late all the time. Like last night, we went to bed before ten, but getting up at 7 was torture. Well, would have been if I had actually done more than lock the door after Jaz and then go back to sleep. I was supposed to walk with her to school and get the Code de Route book. Now it’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning. shakes head I can be so lazy sometimes. Well, at least I’ll do some walking today when we go to the store. That should be a nice small 5 km walk. Tomorrow morning though.. must kick myself out of bed. I need to get that book.

So far we’re sticking to our budget pretty well. We’ve decided that if we can manage with only 50 €/week for food, then we’ve deserved something nice. Like a trip to England. ^-^ See, if we only use 50 €/week, we’d be using only half of the money that Mom gave us for food. That way, we don’t have to spend our own money if/when we go to England. Either way, the money is going to be spent so why not use it the way we see fit?

They’ve elected a new pope… I think. All I saw was Pope Benedict XVII or something on the TV. It was on mute so I’m not sure. I’ll check from CNN later.

Did make it on time. Actually, with time to spare. Maybe I shouldn’t leave so early. Nah, then it wouldn’t be me. I always prefer being too early than being just a minute late. ^^;

Dad said that I have to buy the Code de Route book again because my earlier one is in the storage. He wants me to start driving lessons ASAP. At first I was a bit iffy about it, having to take all of my exams in French, but I’ll deal. At least it’ll give me something to do during the day besides wash clothes and dishes while Jaz is at school..

I so want to see an episode of “Desperate Housewives”. From the little bits that I’ve seen on Oprah, it looks really really entertaining. In January’s Cosmo are things real desperate housewives do, like order things online just to see the UPS guy. o.O

Tomorrow is grocery store day. We have decided to concentrate on buying more fruit and veggies. Sure it’ll be a bit more expensive than the usual stuff, but if we change our diet just a bit, as in not so much bread/cereal/etc but more stuff that contains a lot of water (like watermelon or grapes), we might be able to lose some weight a more easily. I gotta write out the list and then estimate how much it’ll cost so I’ll know to take enough money with me… a bit of a hassle, but again, something to occupy my time.

I’ve thought about what it’s like being a housewife and now I know. Basically just cooking, cleaning and doing laundry. It’s not something I’ll want to do for the rest of my life. But if I’ll have kids some day, then I’ll probably want to stay at home with them. Until they go to school that is. I’ll go nuts if I have to stay in all day by myself every day. x_x

I’ve been reading ”Beauty’s Punishment” by Anne Rice. It’s… interesting. She’s got a really twisted imagination. o_o

Hmm. I don’t have much to do right now. Not going to the store until tomorrow (trying to cut the spending XP), have already done the laundry… or at least all that I can fit into the bathroom to dry. One thing I did notice this morning was that out of all of the clothes I’ve washed so far, trousers are the dirtiest of the lot. Not socks, but trousers. But then again, socks are only worn for one day before they’re put in the laundry basket (at least I hope so!) while trousers can be worn for up to a week (Mom’s gonna kill me if she knew I said that ^^;;). I guess I could go wash the dishes…

Dad didn’t call the BBF yesterday. So we don’t know if we can get the Net here. Or even if we’re staying here until the end of June or switching to another apartment. I did see some BBF Airflats near the mall yesterday. Yes, I went to the mall but I’m not a mallrat. Jaz needed some paints and a book which we couldn’t find in Carrefour. They didn’t have the book, so I ordered it. Gonna get it next week. More walking. ^-^ I guess I walked about 15 km yesterday. First power-walked to school (we sorta overslept ^^;), then I walked from the school to the mall… I took the longer route. Basically to kill time and it was the only way I was sure I wasn’t going to get lost. Even though I did that, I was still there an hour too early.

I watched Dr. Phil last night. He’s such a comfort for some reason. Must be his accent and that shiny bald head of his. Anyway, the reason why I brought this up was the topic: losing weight. All of the people on that show were really really obese. The first guy weighed like 360 kg and hadn’t been able to get up from this couch/bed for five months. It was his fiancé that asked to be on the show. The whole family (the guy has 2 kids).. well, they’re fat. Then in the next family, the lightest was 84 kg. But when I saw what they all ate, I stopped wondering how on earth they got to be so big. Just one dinner consisted of ribs, chicken, deep fried sardines, hotdogs, hamburgers, mac’n’cheese, steak… there was a whole lot more to that list, but I can’t remember it all. When I saw all of that food, I thought it all looked really delish, but not all at once. Yech… Right, back to the topic. Like I said, it’s about losing weight. And just seeing these people made me think that there is no way I ever want to wind up looking like that. Which is why it was such a struggle this morning when Jaz left for school. My legs were so tired from yesterday’s walk that I could barely get out of bed to help her with her lunch. After a long internal debate, I decided to stay in and sleep. Which is why I’m going to meet her now. Eep! Gotta leave in 5 mins if I wanna make it in time….

I’ve been to the store and bought some lessive and adoucissant. Which means that I now can hear dripping coming from the bathroom. It feels so nice to know that I’ll have clean clothes again. Whenever I can be bothered to wash them that is. Since Jaz doesn’t really have the time to do any washing herself, I don’t really mind washing some of hers as well. It’ll give me something to do during the day. Besides go to Carrefour all the time.

Maybe I should send Tian-Le a text msg. Ask when she’d like to meet… Loubna saw me on Tuesday and she said that she’ll tell Houda that I’m back. This’d be so much easier if I could access my e-mail. It doesn’t help either that I can hear someone using Yahoo! Msgr upstairs.

I can’t decide do I like living in Brussels or not. Like right this minute, I feel like living here is okay for a few months. But it’s possible that in two or three hours, I might feel like I hate the whole country. I guess it all really depends on my mood. I just wish that it wouldn’t change so quickly and drastically.

Yayness. There’s a guy fixing the bathroom sink now. I think he’s changing the whole thing.. so, no more leaky faucet! \o/ He also brought more spoons. ^-^

I really like the bed I’m sleeping in now. Makes me feel well rested. But it also has this weird effect on me, gives me strange dreams. I know it’s not necessarily the bed’s fault, but usually when I dream they make sense somewhat. The ones I’m having right now don’t at all. Take for instance last night: I dreamt that I was in Blackpool Pleasure Beach with my mom and Jade. Jade and I went on Valhalla. She got wet, I didn’t. But instead of continuing the ride, we’re suddenly in a supermarket in the clothing section (Jade is dripping on to the linoleum floor) when we see this creature fly above us in the sky. It’s got a yellow horse head, blue ostrich body and a brown dog tail. The wings are white and it’s got loads of these little monsters of different colours crawling all over it. We’re inside, but we’re not since this thing is flying in the sky. I keep thinking that I need to find my camera to take a pic of this thing because otherwise no one’ll believe me. It lands in a pile of t-shirts. I walk towards it and suddenly I’m back in Blackpool looking for the entrance to Valhalla with a dry Jade… o_o

I wonder when Spoon-man is done with the sink and shower curtain. I need to go buy detergent, lotion and some food. Well, I won’t go until “Weighing In” is over anyway.. he’s still got about an hour left to work.

I agree with my mom. This villatakki I’m wearing does look pretty shabby… Should probably do something about it. Or then buy a new one at some point.

Believe it or not, I’m quite sleepy right now. Yet I’m still up. Why? If I had access to the Net, then it’d be understandable… there’re some B-movies on practically all the channels. Ones that are in English anyway. Very boring.

I wish Oliver was here. Or more like I was there. I’m not feeling weepy or mopey or anything like that. Just… well, it feels like everything’s okay when I’m around him. I feel protected, taken care of. This might sound pretty old-fashioned, but I think one of the reasons why I feel that way is because he’s male. All of my life it’s been a male that’s taken care of everything (excluding things like housework and most of the cooking). Usually it’s been my dad, but whenever I’m out with my godfather (the uncle I like) or my dad’s best friend Sam, I feel like a princess. And I’m not ashamed to admit that I like that. Of course I like being independent and all that, but sometimes everyone needs to be babied a bit. If anyone disagrees, feel free to tell me.

Right now I so don’t feel like going out tomorrow to buy detergent and that stuff that’s put in the final rinsing water… But I have to. I’m running out of clothes to wear. :-S Why did I leave my clothes in Sheffield? Stupid question. Because I thought I’d be going back to get them before I came here… I should be able to get by for a few months with what I have though. Might need to buy another pair of trousers though. The ones I got from Ellu last Christmas are beginning to fall apart. And it doesn’t help that my other pair of jeans has a broken zipper. It keeps opening. Plus, since I can’t attach a belt to them it feels like they keep falling as well. -_-;;